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11 safe ways to annoy your visitors on your website

There are lots of ways to annoy you when you visit a website. Here are 11 safe bets. Try and think about if you also annoy your website visitors or not.

1. When a visitor comes to your website, make sure he/she is greeted by a splash page, for instance your logo that loads very slowly. When it's finished downloading it will start jumping or spinning or behave in some other annoying way. After 20 seconds of jumping and bouncing, the text ”Click here to get to our website” appears.

2. Make sure that the visitor doesn’t get a clear picture of what the idea is behind your webpage as soon as he/she logs on.
Let him/her ask the question:”What is this webpage about?”,”What do I get if I stay?”
 Let him/her ask these questions without ever getting any answers.

3. Make it hard to navigate on the website.
Have a policy that says that if someone is sufficiently interested in what you have to say and offer, they will of course want to stay on the website. Keep the navigation buttons in different places on each sub page too. This will always annoy someone.

4. Keep hidden pages that can only be reached from some sub pages.
Anyone who wants something from you will have to try a little, right?

5. Never change your content on the webpage
Everything should remain the way it was once, never mind how old or out of date it is.

6. Have a multi-colored wallpaper that takes a long time to load
The image can be of your uncle's dog or something like that. The main thing is that visitors think they're getting something of value – but don't.

7. Write the way you think people talk
Be spontaneous. Everyone can misspell and use words and phrases that nobody understands. You can do it too, but make sure you do it more often than others. Never check any you've written before publishing it on the website. People will still know what you mean.

8. The larger the file, the better the picture
Always use images of more than 50 K. The dimension of the images should always be larger than average screens.

9. One page is better than 10
Add all your content on the same page so that the visitor will find everything at once just by scrolling down. By the way, also make sure that it's necessary to scroll horizontally as well.

10. Tell everyone how good you are on the webpage
The world has the right to know. You're the best, best, BEST!

11. Always create a website that can only be used by a special setting on the computer
Or why not just create it to be accessed by only one type of browser? If there's a very large differences for different users, just write: “This website should be viewed with .... etc”. That's perfect, the visitors have only themselves to blame!

How many things did you get right in trying to irritate people?

About the author

Stefan Ekberg has worked in marketing for small business for 20 years and has written around 30 books on how small business owners can market themselves with limited resources. . In 2012 Stefan was nominated as Entrepreneur of the Year in Stockholm.

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